Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Monday, October 31, 2005


.....the outfits were from the crop party that Jan and I went to back in September. i don't think I ever posted the picture before, but that's us in all our African glory. Her husband's from Nigeria, hence the done-up costumes. I don't think that we would have been so authentic if her husband was from Alabama like mine. ;)

.....i know exactly where i left my purse, and have put in a call to Aaron's uncle and aunt to see if they can go pick it up from the restaurant where we ate on Sunday. I'm sooo sad about my purse. And soooo completely mad at myself. If I have to, I'll head out to Terre Haute tomorrow and get it. I just am frustrated, as it's going to take three hours plus to go and get it. *sigh*

So, I'll Tell You Where My Motivation Is.... fucking Terre Haute, Indiana with my fucking purse!


Has Someone Seen My Motivation??

....Cos I sure don't have any today, and I would like it back, please. It's been a farily humdrum day at the Zoo, for which I feel incredibly guilty, as it's Halloween. I am trying not to beat myself up too badly, since I did fix them pumpkin pancakes this morning (which they didn't really like) and made some funky playdough with pumpkin pie spice in it. But I feel like I just don't want to do anything, and I hate this feeling. Perhaps it's because I still feel a bit on the crappy side. Perhaps it is because it's really starting to have an autumnal air outside. Whatever it is, I would love to get past it so that I can enjoy life again. *sigh*

...This, too, shall pass.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Fun Time.... we headed North for our few days of freedom. Friday afternoon found us in Anderson, Indiana, feasting on Steak n' Shake. I know, we're way out of our league, aren't we? Both babies did, however, pee on the potty, and Griffin actually pooped on the potty! A very proud Mommy I am! After we finished our meal of steakburgers and fries, we headed even further north, taking in the sites of Ball State University, our alma mater. So much has changed there, it's unreal. I'm so glad that they limited their renovations and additions until after we'd graduated, as having contruction sites everywhere, while the end result will be nice, marred the beauty of the campus. We continued going North, eager to find that which is called Ivanhoe's, a little ice cream shoppe with a big reputation. We secured it's location and ate ice cream until we were fit to burst. It was worth the search!

....So, we still didn't know exactly what we'd do, but knew that we'd go through Ft. Wayne, which left us stopping by to see our old neighbors and dear friends, Jan and Jerry. We took the off-chance that they'd be home, and wound up spending the night. Rude? I know we were, and I feel badly about that! She did offer, if that eases your mind about us at all. I did ruin her plan to scrapbook that night, but methinks that she was excited to see us, as she wasn't as upset by her change of plans as I. We found out that they were doing a Zoo Boo of sorts at the Ft. Wayne Zoo, so we decided to go see if we could get in. We got there, only to find out that we would have frozen our tail-ends off if we would have waited in the line that wrapped around the parking lot. So, off to the land of tokens, games, and tickets we went, eager to give our children a good time, despite the fact that we'd give ourselves head-aches in the process. Yes, folks, I'm talking about Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid can, indeed, be a kid. Adults can act like children, too, should they wish to indulge themselves in a game or two of Skee Ball.

....After spending the night, we woke early to further our mission to destinations unknown and continue Northward. We stop by Pokagen State Park to check out their campground in hopes of future journeys. I was feeling worse for wear, so this trip was mercifully cut short, and I didn't have to go hiking or check out the alpine slide. After a few pain pills (my liver is so upset with me) and a few more miles in the car, we make it to Fremont, an outlet shopping Mecca, to see what deals we could find. We buy Collin some much-needed clothes, me some much-wanted new stuff, and the twins some very cute hats. Other than that, our trip doesn't last long. There was even a scrapbook store at this mall, but I didn't buy KNOW that I'm not feeling up to par if I stop in a store that sells ANYTHING scrapbooking and don't buy a single sticker.

....We drove and drove and drove some more, searching for a place to eat. After we drove a little, we drove some more....If you've been through Indiana, particularly central Indiana, you'll understand the fact that there is a LOT of flat land and FEW places to eat that don't include a drive-through. So we drive-through Burger King, secure some snacks, and head to Kokomo to see whether we could finally eat something worthwhile. We finally settle on Damon's. Pricey, and not really all that good, but I won a few rounds of trivia. I've not lost my edge. HA!

....So now we're back at home, getting ready to climb in the car for another trip. This time, we know our exact location and every detail of what we'll be doing, down to the nano-second. How do I know this? We're going to Terre Haute to visit Aaron's grandpa, where we'll be keeping him company on the eve of his late grandma's birthday. You can't visit a man who's eighty and not know when your next meal will's illegal.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Second Day of Break....

....and we're headed off for destinations unknown. I'm sad, though, because the camera batteries are dead. *sob*

....have a lovely weekend, all!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

What a Waste.... today was a bit of a waste. I went on what was supposedly an interview with a marketing firm, only to find out that it was a jacked-up direct sales ploy, selling "wellness" products....grrrr....

...I also went to the doctor to see about these neck-pains and headaches I've been having. No such luck in figuring out what exactly is wrong with me. I'm chalking it up to stress, until I keel over and die. I did, however, get a tetanus booster, so I'll not have to worry when I step on an unidentified rusty sharp thing in the garage. (Note to self: wear shoes)

...And now I'm sitting on the white beautiful waiting for the home fries to finish oven-frying. I don't mind that they might be a little under-done and therefore crunchy...I didn't have to cook them.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

It's the Weekend.....

(Remembering last year's Fall, my kids are getting huge...)
...for me, at any rate! I took Fall Break off to be with the family, and I'm really glad I did. I might be spending it in bed, but at least I don't have to make all those phone calls. tomorrow I have an interview at 1:00. Am nervous about this, though I think that what will be will be. I'm not going to push for anything, but if I get an offer I can't refuse, be it! I'm not sure what will happen at this interview. When the HR rep called me, there was loud, blaring music in the background. We shall see.

...I thought for sure that I was going to die today. Well, maybe not that extreme, but I really felt as though I WANTED to. My head felt as though it would explode. So I went to bed with the heating pad over my face after taking three advil and two excedrin and woke up in time to see a daycare family off for the weekend. I felt much better after my nap.

...So I'm hoping that sleeping isn't the only thing I accomplish over my small break. There is so much I want to do....shampoo living room carpet and scrapbooking at the top of the list. I would also like to deep clean the house, as it really needs it. Those projects wouldn't cost me any extra money, either, aside from maybe some carpet shampoo. I'll let ya know! ;)

And The Tales of Woe Go On.....

....let's just suffice it to say that I'm on the Judy plan for weightloss. ;)

....roll day, roll....Thursday's almost here, and the Zookeeper is closing up shop to take some much needed rest. Will we go anywhere? What will we do? I don't know, and I don't care. It's just not going to be sat at home with six to eight screaming children. ;)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

They Wear Me Out, Man.....

....OK, so this wasn't today, but they're wearing me out today all the same. Perhaps it's because I feel like utter shit today. Erin has put on my very own Outlast lipstick (the shit that's supposed to stay on for eight hours). Not to mention all the stuff I can't think of right now.

When am I going to feel better?? Thank goodness I'm off Thursday and Friday. A four day weekend is just what I need to make it through....

Happy Birthday to... oldest daycare girlie! She's five today, and we'll be celebrating with cupcakes and gifts of Disney Princess Magic Art Stencils. I love doing this for my daycare kids. They always get a small gift and cupcakes on their birthdays.

....Other than that, nothing much ado around here. We folded tons of laundry last night, and managed to get the house in somewhat of an order, mostly Aaron's doing, though I must say that I did help a bit with folding and putting away. (Laundry is the bane of my existance, but I must be thankful, as I have two friends that have five and (nearly) nine kids, and realize that they do, indeed, have it worse than me in the laundry compartment!)

...Fall has brought with it some really shitty weather thusfar. The kids are missing going outside. And, I have to admit, I miss having them outside for just a short period of time each day. They really get spun up. The bonus is that I feel like shit, and to get eight kids outside to play is no easy task. So in a way, I'm still finding thanks in a crap situation! hehe

Am hoping that everyone else is having a good week thusfar. What's been the highlight for you guys?

Monday, October 24, 2005

Time Flies....'s hard to believe that the twins are now sleeping in toddler beds, not cribs. Separate, not together. A year and a half makes such a difference in their little lives. It feels like a drop in the bucket for me. With every passing day comes more fun and worry than before.


....I tripped over the gate while holding Erin and landed flat on my ass. I'm currently walking around like a little old lady. And feel like my ass will fall off at any given moment. Perhaps that is just from the wish for it to fall off so that the pain will go away. hehe

....So the weekend went well despite the fact that I'm still feeling like shit. It's hard to believe how much changes over ten years, yet how much stays the same. It was good to see some old friends again. I'm disappointed that more people weren't there, but it was good to see some old (yet changed) familiar faces. And for dinner we guessed it....fried chicken! Anyone who's been in southern Indiana knows that if there is a wedding or celebration of any kind it will include fried chicken and beer.

....I really feel for my dad right now, as he's currently figuring out what he'd like to do for a job. I totally can relate to this, though I'm fortunate enough to have an income at this point. I just hope that he can find it in himself to get SOMETHING, as my stepmom has suffered long enough with trying to pay the bills with her own salary and hardly anything coming in from my dad. It breaks my heart to see her upset when there is so much that my dad can do to remedy the situation.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

My Future Wild Child.....

...yes, that's his ass.

...yes, it looks like he's mooning you out of the window.

...yes, the pic is blurry because I was laughing so hard.

...Happy Saturday, all! I'm off to a lovely snot-filled weekend at my parents' house. It's not their fault that we're snotty. And I wouldn't be going this weekend, but I paid sixty bucks to attend this fucking ten year high school reunion, and I'm going. Why? I don't know. But, I'm cheap like that. Most sane people would just suck it up and not worry about the sixty bucks, but I'm not sane, if you've not already seen it.

I'll be back Monday with a full account. lol

Friday, October 21, 2005

So Very Proud....

For just over two years, Collin has worked for this very moment. At times I thought that he would hate me forever for making him continue after his second degree brown belt (two belts away from black). I do not think he could be happier now, however, which makes me so glad that I was the bitch I was and spurred him on.

Congratulations, Collin! It's just the beginning. All the fun stuff happens now.

Griffin.... one of the funniest kids imaginable.

...has been pretty lovey lately.

...will do anything to NOT go to bed, include being funny and lovey. Aaron's mini-me.

Erin.... a woman who grew up with three brothers, I was scared to have a daughter. a man who grew up with two sisters, all he wanted was a daughter. that I have her, I'm so glad she's mine.

....I still wonder about her dad, though. *evil grins*

Thursday, October 20, 2005


....never ceases to amaze me with how he can spend hours playing with his Bionnicles.

....can put one of these things together in a matter of minutes.

...has the nicest looking hands.

...needs to stop growing up.

Ack.... neck hurts (still), and I feel like my nose will explode. Today would be a very good sick day....

...the plus side? I'm off next Thursday and Friday! Woot!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Tired, Tired, Tired.....

....when will the exhaustion ever end? It seems to continuously get worse, not better. I have been going to bed earlier each night in the hopes that I will feel a little better. Whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan.... Collin's black belt test is on Friday. Part of me feels badly for forcing him to go on after the brown belt, when he started getting tired of karate, but part of me will be happy to have spurred him on. I wish that I'd started something early enough to be "good" at it. I suppose I did with singing, though I wish my confidence level was better so that I could have done more with it. And what's scary is that my confidence level is OODLES better than it used to be, but I still feel so inferior at times. I just don't think that everyone hates me anymore.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

May She Always Retain Her Sense of Individualism.....

....though maybe tone it down a little?

Slowly But Surely.....

....we're coming a long with the potty training. Woot! So far, so good, as we've had a pee each, and it's only 9:30! Woot!

....we're still pooping over the floor, but methinks that this tends to come second. Either way, it's coming along!

....Yes, I know I do look young, for those of you who said as much yesterday. I look like the first "oops" baby, instead of giving BIRTH to the "oops" baby. Well, actually, I gave birth to two "oops" babies, since I was so NOT planning on EVER EVER having twins. (stop laughing, Katie and Greg) ! But yes, I do look young for 28. And I've also had people argue with me over whether Collin was mine or not. Yes, they've actually argued with me. I nearly offered to show them my c-section scar and the stretch marks!

...and Judy, I really do love my rose-colored glasses....too bad they're broken at times. ;)

....anyway, happy Tuesday to all!

Monday, October 17, 2005

We're Country Bumpkins.....

....this is from Waterman Farms yesterday. I love being able to get into the pic once in a while. So often, I'm the one taking them.

An Easier Day.... things have been going ok today. My first kids didn't show up until around 6:30 today, and the next ones didn't come until 8:00! Woot! So five kids total for the day makes a Zookeeper happy. Hell, it barely makes her a Zookeeper! ;)

....I cancelled the Primerica interview for tonight. It's on the south-side of Indy, which is the first negative that there is about the job, and secondly is all the negativity associated with the company.

....In thinking about what I should do, I think that I'm really leaning toward going for the gusto and doing the nanny job, as well as getting a part-time job. Aaron said that maybe I should figure out when I can actually pound the pavement looking for a job, but that would require him being home, wouldn't it? I'm still not sure that getting a mediocre office job would be the ticket to my sanity at this point, either. Why work for peanuts and have someone else spending all their time with my kids when I could do that myself? Plus, there is an advantage of working some 2nd shift-type job (like a waitress, etc). Those jobs are always there, and would afford me the opportunity to actually spend time doing some volunteer work, like PTA, etc.

....Obsessed with this? For the moment, I am. *sigh*

There is no other news on this front. hehe

Sunday, October 16, 2005

A Special Day For Many Reasons.....

....the first and foremost reason that this day would be special is because of my good friend Dale. Her girls' two year birthday was today! :) Happy birthday to your girlies, my sistagirl! :) Backing up to those of you who might not have heard me talk about Dale, she's my emotional twin. I swear, our lives parallel so much. And when we chat online, we often just pee ourselves laughing, finishing eachothers' sentences. I met Dale on a preemie mom forum online, and can't wait for the day that I can see her in person!

...the second reason that this was a good day was that we got out of the house! :) We went to Waterman Farms in the southeast part of Indianapolis. It was a lot of fun, and we really wore the babies out. The bad thing is that all of us are having allergy attacks as a result of rolling in the hay....don't worry, incest isn't best in this house, but we were pysically in the straw. There were bales of straw stacked up so that the kids could climb on them. The four kids went through a darkened straw maze. Not only was there straw, but a corn maze, too. Fun, fun, fun for hayfever sufferers. Oh, don't forget the hayride. We SAT in hay. So yes, we're all snifflin' tonight. After we left there, we ate pizza, as per Collin's request, at Donato's. It was yummy.

...and I'm also part-way through with this paper bag album that I'm working on for Dale's birthday. I will not be posting pictures of it until she gets it however. For those of you badgering me for more work, have no fear...her birthday's next week, and I intend to finish it before her NEXT birthday.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

GRRRR..... daughter just peed on me.....


Am So Confused....

....I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I do know that I'm having a hard time figuring it out....and that I will have to pay a mint in daycare should I go back to work during the day....and that I'm working entirely too much right now. Aside from that? I am so lost.

....So I'm going to take the next few months to soul-search. And to utilize the high school girl that is coming into my house for two hours each day. I will go on any interview that I feel like I should explore the options to, but I will not settle at this point.

...Over the next few months, the dynamics of the daycare are going to change anyway. My Brazilian boyfriend will be off for a month while visiting his family in Brazil, and my longest-running daycare gig might comes to an end because he's going to be a big brother. They might either drop two kids to part-time, or they might figure out how to eliminate daycare altogether. Which might bring me down to five kids who come on a regular basis. It might make life a little easier, despite the fact that the days will still be long. I'm just at a huge loss of ideas right now. But I do know that I have a lot of people who are being a great support to me, and I hope that they know that they are.

....Stay tuned for more tales of lunacy! ;)

Friday, October 14, 2005

Rough Day today.....

.....but I have reinforcements! So that makes the ride a little more worthwhile! ;) last night I went to pick Katie up from the airport. We got home an hour later, but stayed up way too late talking. I miss having someone to do that with me. I hate that the future might put more distance between us, but am so glad that she's here with me today.

...Aaron and I had a spat last night. He seems to think that even if I took this nanny position, that I'd still be unhappy. I don't think that if I just had two kids and the energy to work part time that I would be unhappy. And if I worked this job, I could do just that. I would have two other days to work (four, technically), plus evenings. That leaves a lot of time left with which to put a few hours of work. And, depending on the job I'd get, it wouldn't be that many hours, and I'd still have no daycare bills. Or very little with daycare bills. Who knows? The bottom line? I'm still keeping my options open. In two hours, I'll have a phone interview. And a slew of things next week for the job search. So I'm not just simply counting on having this nanny job, either. But he didn't seem to think that, and made fun of me for saying what I felt, when I just really needed him to listen to what I was thinking. So typically male. Not that I'm perfect, by any means. I hit below the belt, figuratively, when I get mad, and I sure threw a tough punch last night., there you have it. My lunacy for the day.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

It Just Might Work....

....I'm having a good day today, if you can't tell. I feel almost good enough to post some pics of myself....well...ok, not that good. ;) HNT will still have to wait until I can come up with something tasteful. Go look at CMHL's entry. That should suffice for today...she's one of those people that, should I have met her in person, would likely be a great friend, though I might have to hate her for her perfect body and teeth. ;) ANYWAY, I digress....

....the interview for the possible nanny position went fairly well, if I do say so myself. The woman knows that I'm a patient person, and marvelled at how I was able to get seven children fed while she was in front of me. Too funny. She has two kids, both under two, that I would be watching three days a week for nearly half of what I make now. Finding a job where I could put in the other hours to earn some extra cash would be just fine by me, and would likely include the push-up bra and some adult conversation. HAHA. we shall see. I'm a cautiously optimistic person, and I don't likely take things seriously until they're for real.

The other interviews are with Primerica (sp?), American Funds, and Bankers Life and Casualty. Not sure about those others, but if they think that I might be employable, that only elevates my mood that much further.

Fun Day.....

....well, the first part was just another day. But it was a good day. I finally fessed up to one daycare family, though not on purpose. My assistant, who's 17 and has little worldly knowledge so discretion isn't part of her vocabulary, spilled the beans. "So you want me to come from 1-2pm to help you clean before your interview?"
DOH! So I have the interview today at 2pm.

Tonight, Katie comes in and spends the night with me, after I pick her up from the airport. Kudos to Greg for letting her out of your sight. You can do this, I know you can. Then you will tell her that she does have a real job, even though she can work in her jammies.

Tomorrow, I have a phone interview, which will hopefully be made easier by Katie and Ashley being there to help me. Monday, I have an interview after daycare hours. Interesting. Wednesday, I have a career fair downtown. And Thursday, I *might* have an informative interview nearby, but I don't think I will go to that now. Just because it probably includes sales, and I'm not sure that I'll be cut out for that.

Anyway, I think that there still holds some promise for getting a job outside the home. And can I tell you how good this makes me feel? My thought is that if I can't make ends meet by working just 8-5, I'll go somewhere at night to bring in some extra cash. Perhaps the odd Saturday... who knows? Maybe I'll force Aaron to get a part-time job instead of me. His turn to work 60 hours a week? ;) Just teasing. I just know that it might be a very good thing for me to just stop doing daycare. And this is coming from someone who had a decent morning with the kids. I just think that perhaps I'll be better for EVERYONE if I do this.

Anywho, there's that. Sorry no HNT today. I think I scared everyone enough with the bra shot last week. And, by the way, if you donated, THANK YOU! We were able to raise nearly 9,000! :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Amazing How Kids, Though Young in Age....

....can totally get a person wrapped around their little finger. So many of my daycare kids are doing that right now. Hell, two of them are my OWN kids and are doing it.

....example: When asking Erin: "Are you Mommy's girl" If she's only around me, she might say: "Yes, I Mommy's gehw" but if her Dad's around, "No, I Daddy's gehw". WTF?? the screaming daycare girl sits on my assistant's lap, she looks over at me with the most smug grin on her face, as if to say: "There ya go, lady...SOMEONE'S holding me, nah-nah-na-nah-nah".

NEVER, I repeat, NEVER EVER underestimate a baby. Ever.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Update on the Insanity That is Me.... today was a long-ass day. 15 hours, to be exact. Yes, I need to learn the word "no." Do they provide training in that?

....for those of you who've I've not told already, I hired the teenage girl from next door to come and help me (and be my friend) ten hours a week. I shall let you know how we do with this.

....for the moment, I thought that the only person looking to hire me was Applebees', but I got two new prospects today...and still might keep Applebees' in mind if I get the first of these prospects. A woman called me today to see how many kids I take. I told her too many, and that I didn't know what I was going to do about getting out of the daycare business and into the working world. Well, she's looking for someone to come into her home and care for her two children, who, are younger than the twins, but this could be a good thing for me. Especially since I would make over half of what I need to survive. And, this would all take place over three days of the week instead of five, which would leave me to persue things like a push-up bra and a waitressing job at Applebees'.

...the second option is to interview for a place called Bankers Life. I'm not so sure how I would do with a job in insurance, but we shall see. I've not even investigated what position they would like for me to do. So I shall call them tomorrow and see what's up there.

Wish me luck!

And, Katie....two days!!! :D

A Better Day....

....still climbing the stairs up to the roof, but am feeling less like jumping today. I got eight hours of sleep and still they are fighting...*sigh* But I tried to be a good daycare provider today, singing songs with them and coloring....Oh, well.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Since I'm Secluded, I Just Have To Tell Someone....

....that BOTH children are going pee on the potty today! Erin's gone once and Griffin's gone twice. Woot!!!!!!!!!!

ugh... you ever feel yourself slipping further and further out of control? it's a slippery slope where my mental health is concerned. when i start to feel really stressed, i feel like closing off to the world. not so easy to do with six toddlers about.

...i really hope a job comes through soon.....

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Word to the Wise.....

...refrain from putting together a toddler bed with shoddy instructions while in the vicinity of toddlers....household vernacular could experience unwanted changes....

....this has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Zookeeper.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Ahhh, Saturday.... today's events included the following....

1. sleeping in until 9...a far cry from 6, but still not late enough. hehe
2. showering with the event, lemme tell ya
3. sweeping up the cereal that erin and griffin dumped in the daycare while i tried to apply for a job online yesterday afternoon.
4. going to lunch with my sister-in-law and the fam to the Mellow Mushroom in Carmel.
5. going to Meijer to look for toddler beds
6. going to Just Kid'n Around to look for Toddler beds and ultimately purchasing a Wiggles bed for Griffin
7. going to Wal-Mart to buy a fitted sheet for Erin's bed, as was feeling guilty that i wasn't buying her the princess doll-house bed, but using the used toddler bed from the mother-in-law
8. FINALLY filling out the application online for a position at the NICU with people that cared for the twins...the NICU has since moved locations, but the people would be the same.

Does anyone remember what my intentions for the day were? It was not that....not that I'm complaining too much.

So, tonight I have to set up Griffin's bed. Hopefully I'll make it to the in-laws' house tomorrow to get the other bed.

Good news on the job search front. Everyone needs to keep EVERYTHING crossed that something will come through with the connections I've made:
1. my old workplace is hiring for a similar position...same type of work, different team
2. i received a phone call from a temporary/permanent staffing not ten minutes after i posted my resume.
3. i've decided that no matter whether the two of these things works out, i'm definitely quitting day care and searching for a new position, as i can't physically or mentally keep up with the demands....this is liberating, yet frightening, as i do not relish the job search process and i do not relish the thought of telling all my parents that i can no longer help them out.

Keep me in your thoughts, as this will be a bumpy ride, I'm sure.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Someone please talk me down.....

....up on the rooftop, Stephy sits,
....cos her house is torn to bits... her house is left no joy...
....just lots and lots and lots of noise...

....ho, ho, ho...who wouldn't go...
....ho, ho, no....who wouldn't go...
....up on the rooftop, click, click, click...
....yes dear stephy is sick, sick, sick....

Pass the Excedrin....

...I have a stress headache, and it's only 9:30....*sigh*

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Give Because You Care.....

....did you know that it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month?
....did you know that Aaron's grandma passed away from complications related to Breast Cancer (the therapies they use to "cure" it can often lead to other cancers....)? that i have a great-aunt who also passed away from breast cancer?
....that this is the ONLY bra-shot you'll ever see of me?

go to and donate....and if you can see more than covered boobies! ;) donate lots!

And, like CMHL said....happy HNT! ;)

Not Much Ado....

.....I did a dry-run on a resume yesterday, and have now handed it to a handful of people to look at and critique. Part of me knows that this is going to be a good move for me. But that other, mommy-guilt-ridden part of me looks at both my own children and the daycare children, and cringes.

.....It's not that I feel like doing daycare is somehow "beneath" me. It's just that I'm really realizing now what Aaron has told me all along. I'm not a daycare person. I love kids. But I don't love to be with ONLY kids. There's the difference. I'm tired of always being needed by a crying toddler. I'm tired of my house being utterly and completely destroyed (irregardless of whether or not I'm constantly in the same room as them). I'm tired of working nearly 60 hours every week.

....I'm just tired.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It Is Time.....

....I know that you've heard this from me before. Last time it was about nursing the babies (who were two!!). Well, this time it indirectly/directly has to do with the babies. It's time for me to start working outside the home again. I feel like the cycles between tolerating and hating life are getting shorter, and it mostly has to do with the fact that I have children touching me all day. It's time for me to have an office job again, if I can get it. If I can't get it, I'm going to see about getting a damn job at McD's being a manager! LOL I just need to get out of this house during the day. There is a lot that goes into this, I know, but I think that I need to be a better rounded person.

I know that this might sound selfish, but I really don't think that a person is meant to work this much. I'm working harder now than I ever have before. If I could, I'd just be a SAHM, but this is impossible, due to the fact that Aaron's job doesn't make enough to warrant it. I knew this when I married him. I have to work. There are no options at all.

If I work outside the home, I need a job making 30G a year. This scares me. But, if I can't get 30G a year, I won't do it. So, this isn't such a bad idea. The benefit over last time I went looking for a semi-professional/professional job is that last time I had no experience. I had no other job. This time I have both experience and another job backing me up.

I do need daycare, though, and this scares the bejesus out of me. Mostly because around here, I'm looking at 1,000 a month going to daycare. I'm going to call my friend who said she'd watch them all week for 200. We'll go from there. And if I have to pay 250/week for daycare, I have to.

In short, I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I keep going like I have been. I'll make no money if I'm dead. And I'll be spending a lot of money if I hit the stress center.

Why am I so nervous and feeling guilty, then?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Thank You.... all the people that were nice to me today.... :)

It reminds me of the song "The Alligator King" on Sesame Street. An obscure little diddy, you might have heard of it....

Said the Alligator King to his seventh son,
"My son, you win the crown.
You didn't bring me diamonds or rubies, but
You helped me up when I was down.

Take the crown; it's yours, my son.
I hope you don't mind the dents.
I got it on sale at a discount store-
Cost me all of seven cents!"

It's nice to have friends and family to cheer me up a little!

Feeling Down....

....again. I'm not sure why life throws these curve-balls of despair at me. But it does, and it's done it again. I suppose it's that I'm worn out, working a job that is sucking the life right out of me. And aside from whoring myself out, I'm not sure what kind of job I can do and still make enough to make ends meet. I want a nine to five job, preferrably working with adults, that would be enough to cover daycare expenses and some food. I would prefer to have a job where I made enough to take a vacation sometime and be able to still keep scrapbooking, but that might be a little stretch, no? *sigh*

....there you have it. My mood in a nutshell.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I Sometimes Miss College....

my freshman year roommate is to my right, holding the cute butterball of a baby.... i got to snuggle his naked little body...yum!

Down to Four.... it wrong of me to be happy that i've only got four kids (including my own!!) today, despite the fact that the rest are sick? Griffin is NOT a happy camper about taking medicine these days, and will go to great lengths to get out of it...unsuccessfully, of course. One morning, he insisted ...."i not medicine, i all better!" last night he told me "i go bed!" but of course i wrestle him to the ground and shove the meds in his mouth. this is the start of a busy, yet fun month for me. this weekend is the ONLY weekend out of the month that doesn't have something fun going on. you heard about last weekend, which was fun, despite my lack of toddler cooperation. this weekend, i might do the UK Scrappers cyber crop (yes, i realize my homeland is not really across the pond, but they're a fun group). other than that....nada, zip, zilch. but next thursday katie will fly in and i will pick her up at the airport. she'll hang out with me for a bit on friday before heading out. but can i tell you that i'm stoked to see her. it's been since july....a long time to go without seeing my best girl. (have i told you that we've known eachother since first grade? that's some major history!) so after she leaves, my weekend will be less busy, but that's something to look forward to! so the weekend of the 21-23 will be fun...friday night is collin's black belt test. ok, so maybe that will be fun for me, but not necessarily him. hehe saturday will be my ten year high school reunion. the weekend of the 27-29 is fall break, and i will otherwise be occupied...perhaps by camping, but we shall see how it goes.

so there you have it, a taste of what is to come this month. and can i tell you that it's just what the doctor ordered?

off to the four with pens, scissors and other things that could destroy! ;)

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Busy, Busy Weekend....

....but i'm sure you don't expect much else out of me, do you? i tend to lead a fairly busy life and am jealous of those who can find time to relax and enjoy it. friday night i made an can see it on my scrapping page. (scraps of steph at the right) it was for saturday, when i saw my friend Cristina, who was my roommate my freshman year in college. she just had a baby boy, so it was for her. she told me on the phone that she had only scrapped four pages for him thusfar, so i thought maybe she could use it as a bragbook or something.

...yesterday was spent hanging out with cristina and the gaggle of girls from my dorm. she went on to move in with some of them, while i went on to move in with aaron. ;) it was really neat to see everyone and to see how everyone had changed over the past ten years since we all met. the twins were absolutely terrible, though. wearing me out these days, they are.....

... today was spent ransacking the daycare and cleaning ALL the toys. those of you who have been to my house know that i have a LOT of toys. so this was a feat. but...they're clean now, and hopefully we'll be less sick if i continue to keep cleaning them like that once or twice a month.... i need to still do some grocery shopping and buying of things like fridge locks tonight. i would hope that i'd have time to relax, but i'm sure that that won't happen. *sigh*