Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It Is Time.....

....I know that you've heard this from me before. Last time it was about nursing the babies (who were two!!). Well, this time it indirectly/directly has to do with the babies. It's time for me to start working outside the home again. I feel like the cycles between tolerating and hating life are getting shorter, and it mostly has to do with the fact that I have children touching me all day. It's time for me to have an office job again, if I can get it. If I can't get it, I'm going to see about getting a damn job at McD's being a manager! LOL I just need to get out of this house during the day. There is a lot that goes into this, I know, but I think that I need to be a better rounded person.

I know that this might sound selfish, but I really don't think that a person is meant to work this much. I'm working harder now than I ever have before. If I could, I'd just be a SAHM, but this is impossible, due to the fact that Aaron's job doesn't make enough to warrant it. I knew this when I married him. I have to work. There are no options at all.

If I work outside the home, I need a job making 30G a year. This scares me. But, if I can't get 30G a year, I won't do it. So, this isn't such a bad idea. The benefit over last time I went looking for a semi-professional/professional job is that last time I had no experience. I had no other job. This time I have both experience and another job backing me up.

I do need daycare, though, and this scares the bejesus out of me. Mostly because around here, I'm looking at 1,000 a month going to daycare. I'm going to call my friend who said she'd watch them all week for 200. We'll go from there. And if I have to pay 250/week for daycare, I have to.

In short, I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I keep going like I have been. I'll make no money if I'm dead. And I'll be spending a lot of money if I hit the stress center.

Why am I so nervous and feeling guilty, then?


Blogger nain said...

I 100% support you in this Steph - I remember when you worked at Ernst and Young, and while you were stressed during the busy season and such, you were a lot happier all around. I think this could be something that is really good for you - go for it!

7:15 AM

Blogger cmhl said...

you know, I completely and totally understand what you are saying here.

I think it is WONDERFUL for people that are stay-at-home parents.

But for me, staying home full time makes me a little crazy. I am "touched" out by the end of the day, and totally impatient. OK, I am impatient anyway, but it really stretches the borders of my comfort zone to hear my name (not really even my name, but mommymommymommy 1000 x a day). Part time is the best solution for me. Plus, my kids are both in school, 2nd grade and pk4.

If I have a little time to myself, I am a better mother.

Try not to feel guilty. You have to do what you can to be the best you can be for your babies.. Thinking of you.

9:31 AM

Blogger Leann said...

Go for it girl. The good thing is you can look for a job while remaining self employed.

I have always thought being a SAHM was the best thing for kids, but when by the end of the day I'm frazzled, or on those days I just don't have the patience needed, I think perhaps I'd be a better parent if I wasn't at home so much.

Your well being is what is important and your happiness will make you a better parent so go for it!

10:30 AM

Blogger Katie said...

Good for you! Don't forget the job suggestions I had for you. ;)

10:49 AM

Blogger Cath said...

I think you are totally doing the right thing, for your sanity at the very least!

Best of luck with everything girl!

Hey, you'll have to change all your Zookeeper names then!

12:48 PM

Blogger fl13grl said...

i will keep my eyes and ears open! I wish you only the best, and you should always follow yor heart. :) ...Ox...t

10:26 PM

Blogger fl13grl said...

p.s. any chance you can run away for the weekend down to iu? Just an idea so you could have drink with Nain & I.... just a thought!

10:33 PM


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