i can't believe that it's already thursday. not that this week hasn't been a toughie, but it has gone by quickly.

the two year-old is driving me crazy. he's totally two, and i've couched him for hitting, throwing and everything else in the past few days. i packed up all the trains and put them in the garage, too. i just hope that i can keep my sanity until this goes away.

the three year old turned four yesterday. part of the insanity of the week was surrounding this, too. i try to do special things for their birthdays. we make cupcakes (i made good icing this time!!) and do a special craft. yesterday, we made hawaiian type necklaces with foam flowers.

i don't know if this has anything to do with my hormones, but i'm feeling down again. i feel alone and unable to cope with all that's going on. today's much better than yesterday, but i still feel down, nonetheless. i keep telling myself that this will soon all pass, but sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. aaron knows how i feel, at least, which makes it easier to deal with, somehow. he does try to make things as easy as possible for me. i just wish i were as good at doing that for him, as i know that he doesn't feel right, either.

i finally broke down and told him my doubts on religion yesterday, too. getting this off my chest was a big relief, tho i know he seemed somewhat disappointed by it. he understands, tho, and sometimes feels the same way himself. who knows what i'll wind up actually believing. right now it's hard to believe anything. i don't know whether i believe, but it's a scary thought that life just ends at death. you work hard to be a good person, and then you die and that's it? that's no more appealing a thought. sometimes i think i just wish that life would make more sense than it does. that's all.