Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Monday, April 17, 2006

At A Crossroads....

....of my life right now. Tonight at 7pm, I have an interview for a job. I have a big bag of emotions attached to this. I know, it's just an interview, and doesn't guarantee me of anything. But I'm quite nervous about it. It means giving up parts of what I've built for the last three years. Both good and bad. It means potentially giving my own children over to someone like me to take care of. It means also giving up some of the stress associated with staying home with my and others' children. It means potentially giving up the feeling of being isolated from everyone except said children. It also means potentially having to make sure three kids are ready in the morning.

...there are so many negatives and positives of this venture. I think that the positives would outweigh the bad, considering I would have a few more hours of the day where I could potentially move out and about. With or without kids. If my kids have a program at school, it means actually being able to go to it sometimes, instead of shaking my head and feeling incredibly guilty that I can't get someone to watch everyone else's kids so that I can go.

...I'm trying to teach myself to let go of the feelings of letting all these other parents down. The honest truth is that the feelings of obligation aren't always mutual. People tend to only look out for themselves, and those feelings extend toward their childcare as well. They go with cheapest and most convenient. Hell, I was the same way before I became a caregiver.

....wish me luck/pray for me/think of me around 7pm tonight. My stomach churns with all of these emotions at the mere thought of this interview.


Blogger Auntie said...

Just remember you are interviewing HIM to see if this is something which you may or may not be interested in. Pray the answer will come and KNOW you will do the right thing.

I have faith in you and I know your decision will be the right decision.

12:27 PM

Blogger novaks8 said...

Oh it is such a hard job.
I was VERY good at it but I still felt all those emotions.

You start to feel like you never have time to yourself.
And really, you don't!

I had a neighbor who had been doing it for 25 years or more and although she took good physical care of the kids, I saw that her heart wasn't in it.

She never hugged them or talked to them sweetly.
She would put the infants in the swings and leave them there swinging for a LONG Time. They probably loved it but still, how stimulating can it be?

She got rid of the kids when they started walking. She only kept newborns and infants.

For her it was all about the money.

For me it was all about the children.

So do what is in your heart.
And remember, your kids will NOT be little for long.
So you may decide to do it until the youngest is in school so you will be with them.

It's a hard choice that most fathers don't have to wrestle with.

Good luck

1:19 PM

Blogger Cath said...

Positive vibes for 7pm Steph. All the best in whatever you decide to do hun!

3:36 PM

Anonymous Stephenie said...

thinking of you Stephanie - good luck...everything will work out:)

6:18 PM

Anonymous alaina said...

hope that interview goes well!!

6:20 PM


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