Trying to Remain Positive....

...because honestly? There are worse things that could be happening to me than what are. I am still quite down in the dumps, despite all the rationalization that's going on in my mind right now.


...so the one thing that I can hold on to is that after all the stress and exercise, the scale's at 131 today. I hopped on and off the scales three times to verify, making sure that the dial hadn't accidentally gotten bumped to weigh light. And, being the total pessimist that I am lately, I only see that girl who was busting out of her size 14 pants. The girl who was closer to 200 than to 100. Not the girl who can't keep size 12 on her butt. It's funny how you only see yourself in a negative light most often. I know that I'm leaner and stronger than even a year ago. But I don't feel that way in my mind....I still laugh at the fact that if I didn't drink beer or eat McDonald's that I'd be scary thin! So my bad habits have kept me from wasting away to nothing.


...I wish that antidepressants didn't make me so relaxed that I eat myself into an oblivion. Though I suppose if I gained weight again, I'd have boobs that didn't look like the old lady's on There's Something About Mary (minus the horrid tan, mind you)........