update....

...so the egg-donor finally decided to write back. and i'm not sure how i feel about things still. apparently, she's not going to dredge up the past or defend herself. and to me, not even showing an ounce of remorse for the past and simply attempting to shove it under the rug again, it is just as good as writing me off. perhaps my brother is a bigger person than i am for letting bygones be bygones, but i'm not sure that i can be that bigger person. not sure whether i can just sit back and continue to have a fake relationship with her. at this point, i feel like the only reason to try to have any sort of relationship with her is because of my children. is it fair of me to deny them a relationship with her? and honestly, in her letter, it seems that they are the ONLY reason she would want to have anything to do with me, too. the letter she sent to me was fairly emotionally detached, despite the fact that she began the letter with saying that she loved me and my children. i'm extremely confused as to what to do now. she said that life is too short to try to defend herself. to me, life is too short to spend it investing in a fake relationship. if she can't even face up to the past and talk to me about it, there will always be a strain. and i won't keep having my children be put in the middle of such bullshit. it's not fair to them, either, is it? again, i say, I'm confused.

...on a much lighter note, i am going to don the gi and go to karate again tonight. we shall see this time if i manage to screw myself up...when did 29 suddenly become old?