Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

My don't really wanna know...

....but since Nancy has said already that she does, I'll go ahead and enlighten you to a day of Zookeeper hell.

....It started out innocently enough. Aaron let me sleep in, kind chap that he is. Some weekends we switch off on who gets to sleep in, and some weekends I get to sleep in both days. He's very nice like that. This morning, I didn't sleep in, because Aaron painted the hallway into the wee hours. I'll post pics later. Suffice it to say that it compliments nicely with the pumpkin-colored walls of the kitchen and living room, and that it's in orange's triad on the color wheel. Got your curiosity up now, don't I? *winks*

....ANYWAY, I digress. The first bit to alarm me to the fact that this, indeed, would not be an all that pleasant day, was my wake-up call. Something to the affect of a lion's roar, with the words "I JUST PICKED ALL OF THOSE TOYS UP!! PICK THEM UP! PICK THEM UP NOW!" Needless to say, I hopped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and went down to see what the hell was going on. Apparently, Aaron, in an effort to be the nice guy that he is, had picked up the daycare, carefully sorting all the numerous tiny toys. All made in vain within the first two minutes of the Gruesome Twosome's entrance into the daycare room. I told him that this is why I don't feel the need to clean in there anyway, to which he said something about our little pet mouse and there being crumbs everywhere. Fair point.

....So, we spend a lovely half hour on the sofa, cuddling our Guinea Pig Girls, Ginny and Lucy. Now, Lucy has been sneezing since the very first night we had her, and Aaron noticed now that she is congested. *sigh* This is NOT good news for any pig owner, as this usually signifies a respiratory infection, which are fatal to the average cavy. So calls are made to the pet store and then to the vet's office (paid for by the pet store, as they so kindly informed us on the night that we bought the piggies that one of their pigs was in the back because he had a cold). Well, we had to go pick up medicine (antibiotics to stave off a bacterial infection....God, I feel like I'm back at the NICU with all the preventative duck-hunting-with-a-canon stuff). So, we're having fun, and decide to stay out for a little while. We go to a store to get Aaron some jeans, as his mom had so lovingly gifted us with a ton of gift cards, one being to this store. Well, it has a toy section, so I figured that we'd get out of his hair to play with toys. We walk all the way around the store and to the toy section. Mind you, the twins are going diaperless these days while out and about. I repeatedly ask them whether they need to use the potty. I sometimes force them to sit on the potty, kicking and screaming. Well, they repeatedly told me that, no, they didn't have to go. We weren't in the damn toy section for more than two minutes when Griffin pipes up..."Mommy, I pee pee on the floiy (floor..he's got some funky-ass Brooklyn or Bostonian accent going on...)". Fuck me running, we go all the way back to where Aaron is and I get keys to the car and usher Griffin out. Bad news. No back-up bag, holding fresh undies, pants, and socks. So, we go back into the store and retreive Aaron and head home.

....Naps, lunch, cleaning most of my office, yadda, yadda, yadda....

....We decide that we want to brave going out to supper. (stop laughing at know where I'm headed, don't you?) We honestly make it through dinner without any urination or defecation. Well, Collin won a 10-dollar gift certificate to Barnes & Noble for being a bookworm (seriously...I'll enlighten you all to this deserves its own recognition). So, we decide to go there for some enjoyment. Aaron and I take turns sitting in back with the kids while the other gets to browse the shelves on their own. Well, we take our respective genders to the potty before we go to the kids' section. Erin decides that in no way shape or form is she going to be able to pee it out for me. This is fine, because you don't usually hear about her accidents, do you? We go to play. Griffin beats a quick path to the Thomas train table and Aaron sits down to read Erin a book. I ask Aaron if I can make my exit and spend a glorious fifteen minutes all to myself. So, feeling that I've taken my time, I go back to relieve Aaron so that he, too, can browse. That's when the real hellish part of my day begins. I check in on Griffin to discover him taking off his pants in the middle of the fucking store! "Mommy, I pee pee on the floiy. And I poopie" Boo-fucking-yah, I'm having a blast. So, I decide to calmly go get the back-up bag from Aaron, only to discover that there aren't any wipes. Go me. I have Aaron go out to the van to get the wipes, while trying not to cry. So, I clean up the shit mess while Aaron cleans up the mess that is Griffin. And next is the real fun part. I tell Griffin that we're going home. Let's just say, that this particular B&N is a big store....yet EVERYONE could hear him screaming like I was beating the shit out of him....and to see the pants partially covered with a paper towel, most of them assumed that I had. So, we go home, and Aaron takes a shot of vodka, and I grab a diet Cherry Coke and go to bed to read for a bit.

......Now THIS.... THIS is the highlight of my parenting experience.


Blogger novaks8 said...

yo-I think I would seriously consider Pull-ups for outings!

Murphy's Parenting Law...if they are in pull-ups they WON'T defecate or urinate in them.

If they are wearing regular will happen more often than not!

I've potty trained 5 already working on number 6!

Also...if you carry the diaper bag fully stocked, they won't need it.
If you forget the wipes, guessed it.


In a few years you will read this weekend's post and laugh. (then probably cry because you miss your babies!)

10:58 AM

Anonymous Judy said...

I can't believe Aaron took him to the potty and then he went in Barnes and Nobles! You have to reward, reward. reward for pottying for that boy, I think.

1:09 PM

Blogger instamom said...

see? that's why i don't want to potty train! diapers are a good thing as long as humanly possible!

2:54 PM

Anonymous Judy said...

How is the sick little guinea pig? Will they be going to school on Monday?

8:09 PM

Blogger Auntie said...


8:37 PM

Blogger Kari said...

Wow Steph! Sorry you had a "shitty" weekend! I guess it can only get better right? Hows the guinea pig?

11:43 PM

Anonymous alaina said...

hope you are having a better day and are feeling better!!! thanks for pizza last night - I got home just in time to watch my show's results - and Drew won :-) yay! And oh, let me know if you hear anything about tomorrow!

9:48 AM


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