Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


My throat hurts so freaking badly right now....months ago, I had strep throat, and I'm wondering what the bloody hell is going on back there again, as I went to the doc-in-the-box last night to see what was going on, and they say no strep...but, I still have some of the same symptoms, though not the raging fever that I typically get with strep. And with the trauma I had last night with Griffin biting me twice within five minutes, I wasn't about to get my ass out of the house and go to the ass was going to bed!!

So, back to Griffin....he bit me three times total yesterday. Once midday when I wasn't getting lunch on the table fast enough, and twice in the five minute period while I was trying desperately to only nurse one baby at a time. You see, if a baby isn't latched on properly, it will H-U-R-T!! And, getting two babies to latch on properly, especially at the sheer size of the twins right now, is no small feat. So, Steph has been hurting a bit these days. Knowing that I'm going to have to wean soon anyway (if nothing more than my own selfish wishes to go away for the weekend), I decided that maybe I should just try them one at a go...big mistake....Big...Huge!!

So, that decided it for me. And now I'm sad...but feeling very alone, because most people have told me that I should have stopped by now. Even my own husband, who's there to witness them jonseing to "nurse the baby" tells me that I've been thinking of myself all along to keep at it this long. Not that I haven't enjoyed it, but it's still been a job because of not wanting them ill and also not wanting them sad. So I'm feeling quite alone right now in my decision. I need some face-to-face support on this one....but I know I'm not going to get it, so I should just shut up, I suppose. The past few months of nursing have been less than comfortable, and it's only gotten worse. But everytime they have to wait, their little expressions (especially Erin's) when they *finally* get to nurse are what make it so worthwhile, because it's something that they've enjoyed so much. And I hate taking that away from them until THEY are ready. These first few years of life go by so quickly that I don't want regrets of not doing what I should have done, and never be able to get that time back.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the thought of what's next for my little munchkins. And I SSOOOOOO look forward to grandparenting (not that I want THAT to happen too soon!). But no matter when a woman is done having kids, there is always that sadness to be out of the baby stage for good. And this is it for me. There is nothing wrong with and neither is this "keeping them little too long" with child-led weaning. They are actually making an individual *choice* to give it up....and making choices is what gets them to feel like they're big kids, right? I'm just sad that *I'm* going to be making the decision instead.

I suppose this is my male equivalent of "can't live with it, can't live without it" scenario....


Blogger Katie said...

Ouch on the biting. It is sad and I wish I could bring you a Mountain Dew and give you hugs while you go through this.

Maybe think of it this way, it's sad leaving your current house but you have good times to come in your new one. It's sad to give up nursing but you'll find new ways to connect with the twins. (And get away for the weekend, hehe.)

10:10 AM


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