Happy Friday!

...and what a happy day it is. My mind is still clouded over with what I've done and the reflection that went into all of that. I understand that this chapter won't close until one of us dies, but I'm not going to let it close without telling her how I feel. Don't get me wrong. I love her. As much as anyone could love someone who's done the things she has. Part of me wants to just cut her out. But part of me wants so badly for her to change and be the mommy that I've always wanted and needed out of her. But my head totally knows that she'll never change. She'll never be what I need her to be. Which makes me so thankful for my stepmom. She totally has taken the role of "MOM" in my life. She has embraced it with as open of arms as she possibly could (considering we made her an instafamily at the ripe old age of 25!). And no matter what happens, I know that she'll always be "MOM" for me. She's actually told me this. And I can't tell you how happy that makes me. My heart is so full of love for a woman who steps back and lets the bio-mom get all the glory, knowing that she's done all the work to raise me. And I'm not going to let that happen any more. It's really not fair to her. Which is part of the reason I sent that letter to the bio-mom.

...ANYWAY, back to the happiness of today. Today is the very last day of daycare. And I've decided that I will work nights or flip burgers before ever reliving the past three years. I love the children that I watch. Even the one who crawls on top of my counters. But I'm exhausted from the past three years. And anyone who runs a daycare and takes on too many kids will tell you how crazy life is. It's nuts. And it takes a special person to do it. Unfortunately, I'm not that person. And I'm glad that these kids will find that someone who is.