Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

no take-backs.....

....the mail carrier just came. no taking back what i've just done. and now i must live with the consequences. i know that it will be ok. that i shouldn't be worrying so much about a person whose sole role in my life has been to carry me in her womb. and looking back on the conversations that i've had with my dad on this topic. it's not a wonder that i'll put her feelings above my own most often, because it's been happening for years. they honestly never should have granted the woman weekend visitation rights to us when they took us from her custody. but they gave them to her anyway. why? to preserve her feelings. she gets to do all the motherly things in my life...why? because no one has the balls to hurt her feelings by telling her that she has no right to them. no right at all. and the more i think about the ways that she HASN'T been there for me in life, the more angry i get.

...stay tuned for news regarding the fallout..... *bites nails*


Anonymous alaina said...

It'll be ok - it's probably best that you just let her know how you feel, but just be warned that she might never understand how you feel and why you feel that way...due mostly to the way that she, and people like her, think...only about themselves kind of thing. But all you can do is tell her and get it out, which you did. And I'm proud of you for it! If you need to talk when the fall out does occur, let me know!

2:19 PM

Blogger Momma Monkey said...

Sorry, Annony was me yesterday. I couldn't manage to log in without timing out...

But I am proud of you !! I can't imagine how difficult it must be having to carry that crap around all the time. Now that it's out in the open you won't have to worry about it anymore. And who knows... you might end up with a healthier relationship with your Mom thats based on something OTHER then guilt.

2:38 PM

Blogger Katie said...

I'm so proud of you too! Hang in there, it may be rough but we're here for you!

2:52 PM

Anonymous Judy said...

If she tries to start a fight on the phone and yells, tell her calmly you are hanging up and she can call back when she can speak nicely. Then do it.

5:10 PM

Blogger Auntie said...

Be prepared to never hear from her too. That is also an outcome, which may happen.

It is a big step. You should be proud you had courage to send a letter full of your feelings. Not an easy thing to do.

I would like to say "I am proud of you" but have been told you need to take the ownership, not me, so instead I will say, "You should be very proud of yourself."

8:58 PM

Blogger Auntie said...

My computer at work, MY NEW COMPUTER, has a bad hard drive. It is under warranty so I should have the parts on Friday and be up on Monday. I miss IM each other!

I believe the party on Sat is 3-5 but will confirm and let you know.

5:01 AM

Blogger Auntie said...

By the way, "Have a Happy Day and Congrats on making it one more day until you are officially UNLEASHED!"

5:04 AM

Blogger Jules said...

I think you should be proud of yourself for taking such a big step too Steph. I can't imagine how hard it must be. Sd's mom is a lot like yours and I know she feels a lot of anger and resentment towards her. I hope this brings you peace where your mom is concerned. (((hugs)))

7:30 AM


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