Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Friday, June 02, 2006

Happy Friday!

...and what a happy day it is. My mind is still clouded over with what I've done and the reflection that went into all of that. I understand that this chapter won't close until one of us dies, but I'm not going to let it close without telling her how I feel. Don't get me wrong. I love her. As much as anyone could love someone who's done the things she has. Part of me wants to just cut her out. But part of me wants so badly for her to change and be the mommy that I've always wanted and needed out of her. But my head totally knows that she'll never change. She'll never be what I need her to be. Which makes me so thankful for my stepmom. She totally has taken the role of "MOM" in my life. She has embraced it with as open of arms as she possibly could (considering we made her an instafamily at the ripe old age of 25!). And no matter what happens, I know that she'll always be "MOM" for me. She's actually told me this. And I can't tell you how happy that makes me. My heart is so full of love for a woman who steps back and lets the bio-mom get all the glory, knowing that she's done all the work to raise me. And I'm not going to let that happen any more. It's really not fair to her. Which is part of the reason I sent that letter to the bio-mom.

...ANYWAY, back to the happiness of today. Today is the very last day of daycare. And I've decided that I will work nights or flip burgers before ever reliving the past three years. I love the children that I watch. Even the one who crawls on top of my counters. But I'm exhausted from the past three years. And anyone who runs a daycare and takes on too many kids will tell you how crazy life is. It's nuts. And it takes a special person to do it. Unfortunately, I'm not that person. And I'm glad that these kids will find that someone who is.


Anonymous M@ said...

So where's the "no more other people's kids" celebration going to be at. :)

11:03 AM

Blogger novaks8 said...

Give them lots of hugs today and take some pictures of them.

I read the other day that studies show that people edit their bad memories to be more positive over time.

So 5 years from now you will forget most of the trials and tribulations and remember this time fondly.

(then you can read your blog and remember!)

11:17 AM

Blogger Katie said...

Eat a cupcake for me! And make sure to have some vodka around 6pm... hehe

11:59 AM

Blogger Nana said...

You are on the right track. Don't let the past cloud your future. Learn by it when it comes to raising your own kids. I know what you are going through with the bio thing. I was about 26 years old living in a marriage that I didn't know how to get out of and a biological father that didn't want to have anything to do with me because his "family" didn't know of the circumstances (concerning my birth). I was ready for a nervous breakdown when I decided I really did like myself and that I wanted more for my children. I forgave my mother at that point although she couldn't forgive herself. I knew if I didn't change something in my life that I would go over the edge completely.

Thanks for the compliments on my cakes. I really enjoy doing them. Hope to be able to share some with you.

Have a great weekend.
Nana Judy

12:50 PM

Blogger Auntie said...

Don't you just love my mom? I sure do!! You can adopt her as a mom too if you want!

Congrats on being a free zookeeper. I left message (song) tonight on the recorder...Something like this..

Congrats to no longer work in a zoo...

I wasn't sure where to go with the other part...I know monkey should have fit quite nicely in there somewhere but wasn't entire sure what to sing next...

Anyway, hope you can join the party on Sat. Are you coming?

9:56 PM


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