Life as a reformed Zookeeper. Now living a life as a working mother who dabbles in karate, scrapbooking, and Coors Light!

Monday, February 14, 2005

why is it that sometimes it's the nice guys who always get fucked over? some people have no idea what it is to be responsible. they have kids, and don't raise them, and then try to claim that they're parents? when i hear of things like this happening, it always brings up my anger toward my own mother. who never seemed to know how to be a mother to my brother and me. i have no doubt that my mother loves me. she just isn't a mother to me. Oprah has a quote that fits so many things, but it fits my case (and the one that's brought up all these feelings) perfectly "Biology is the very least of what makes someone a mother". Sure, my mother carried me in her womb, but after that, motherhood for her has had a very vague meaning. If being a mother means simply throwing the parties and showing up when things are ├╝berbad, then I suppose you could say that my mom was a mother. If being a mother means nursing your child through every ailment known to man, of having a daughter yell at you because you never could afford to get her namebrand clothes, of nursing a daughter's broken heart after a bad break-up, of calling her daughter to wish her a happy birthday or of calling her daughter's children to wish them a happy birthday, then my mother is in no way shape or form a mother. All of those traits belong to my stepmother, who has done all of those things and is so wonderful to me, despite the fact that she didn't endure the hardship and wonderment of carrying me inside her body.

My mom preferred her disgusting way of life and her dogs over having to have any responsibilty with me. My mom told me to keep a job that she had a secret so she wouldn't have to pay my dad child support. While my dad was working his ass off to pay the bills with four kids. I was wearing yard sale clothes and eating fish sticks because she didn't want to pay support. Not that I mind it, in retrospect, but I know for certain that my parents (Dad and Stepmom) had to scrape their pennies together to provide for us.

Having a rough row to hoe has made me into what I am today...the good, bad, and ugly. But it never ceases to amaze me how someone could carry a baby in their womb for any amount of time (not saying nine months here, since the twins barely made it six! ROFL), and not have the burning desire to care for that child and provide for it. Parenting is tough, don't get me wrong, but it's not something that I would trade in a heartbeat. I love my kids, and want to do what's best for them, even if it means having to sacrifice bits of myself.


Blogger Momma Monkey said...

Sure, you had it rough.

But think of it this way...

Think how LUCKY your three babies are because of it !! You know exactly what being a 'Mom' means !!

1:28 AM


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