my friend Shelley gave me the suggestion by saying that she was reading my blog from the beginning. i started reading it from the beginning, and am amazed at how much my life has changed since this time last year. this time last year, i had two major falling outs with two dear friends.....i suppose that both were a long time coming, and i was sad but i wasn't sorry that they happened....because both NEEDED to happen. one friendship was rekindled, but was incredibly akward and hasn't been the same. i'm not really even trying on that one anymore, as that person doesn't even really care anyway, and is in too sad of state to even be good for anyone (i'm not just being mean...it's true....the person made the first contact a while back...which rarely has happened since the rekindling of the friendship....and i got cut off...the person didn't even remember contacting me, they were so drunk....i figured that it's not worth struggling to maintain at the expense of my own feelings when it's apparent that they don't really give two shits....). the other person sent me a christmas card, but that's about it. no note inside to indicate that this person was doing anything other than being stiffly polite. that friendship, or lack thereof, still remains a mystery on whether it will be rekindled, but i'm still debating on whether that one would be a healthy one for me anyway.

i've really grown a lot in the past few years. i'm really not shitting anyone, least of all myself, when i say i've lived a thousand lifetimes....much of me and my personality is the same. i come in about the same package as two and a half years ago, but have longer hair. i weigh the same (which really is a pain in the ass, because business and stress actually helped me to LOSE weight and be SMALLER than i was before being pregnant!!). i am still kind to people. i still strive to be good to other people. i'm more subdued than i was, but still outgoing and boisterous at times. i still chat a glass eye to sleep when given the chance.

BUT....i won't let people just walk all over me. there are limits to just how good i'll be when someone is doing me wrong. i'll not let people just get by with judging me and my actions, especially when they've got their own skeletons in their closets. i'll not try to follow after people like a lost puppy trying to get a scrap of attention. i'm working hard to get my faith back....not there yet, entirely, but i'm working on it.

don't get me wrong, i have plenty of faults. but i'm going to try not to judge others for their faults, because i'm not going to throw stones while living in a glass house.

it does amaze me to think just how unhappy and downtrodden i was a year ago. i still get down, but i have been able to work myself back to normal...usually by the next day. i'm much more content being myself. i work little by little to improve myself, and realize that there is only so much that one person can do.