Black Belt.....

....so the teacher's set the date on my black belt test. It's September 26th. My grandma's birthday.


....I have such mixed feelings about this test. For all that I've actually been taught, I'm ready. But for what I feel is going to be expected of me, I don't feel that I've been taught enough to be able to do well. I get this feeling because we went to our dojo to work out in "the back room" last night. And I feel like we didn't get enough accomplished. Twice our teacher came back and twice he interrupted us. The first time was for about ten minutes. The second time was for 40 minutes, and by the time he left, we all were cooled down and irritated that he just talked to us and didn't actually do anything but critique us on the way we did things but he's never taught us any differently. I know, because I pay rapt fucking attention to most everything that he has to tell me. Now. It's not that I can't take criticism. But if you're going to criticise something I do, then you better put your money where your mouth is and be willing to take the time to show me the right way. I don't want to be a half-assed black belt. It means nothing to have a three-inch belt to cover your ass if you can't live up to what it symbolizes. Don't get me wrong. I've learned a lot in the past two years. And the teacher is good at his own martial arts. Very good. Scary good. But sometimes I think that he's having trouble passing along the way to improvement, especially for the adults.

....OK, rant over. So tonight we'll go over to work out at one of the classmates' houses. We'll be able to work out uniterrupted. Which will be good. A few of us still need a bit of work. Not everyone has been going all Funakoshi out in their back yard. And that's OK. If one of my classmates has it right, I helped along a bit last night. And that makes me feel good. Because, in my mind, that's what the true Way in martial arts is. Passing along what you have learned to those who wish to learn it and better themselves. And they will have things that they're good at to teach me about what we're doing. I don't excel at it all. But am trying to.