ok....i'm sure that most of you who know me know that i'm on anti-depressants....of course, these days, who isn't??

but i think once you get mentally healthy, you tend to be able to see when you or others around you are mentally UNHEALTHY. at this stage in the game, i really worry for my son Collin. He's eight years old now, and is genuinely a good kid. EVERYONE I talk to says as much. Not that I'm bragging, but he is a very good kiddo, and we seriously couldn't have overcome all the obstacles that Aaron and I have if he weren't such a good kiddo. He was a college baby, so he went to class with me when I had no other alternative. He is the big brother of the twins, who were in the hospital for nearly three months when they were younger, so he had to deal with one or both of us being gone and waiting in the hospital waiting room while we visited the babies. He was so good and never complained about not getting to do what he otherwise might have wanted to do.

But he does and says things that make me think he's more like Aaron and I than we would want.....today, for example, is the school dance/social. Aaron is a teacher there, so he can kind of keep tabs on Collin throughout the day. Aaron went down to his room to call me to let me know that Collin didn't socialize or dance AT ALL. He asked Collin whether any of his friends were there, to which Collin didn't really say anything...and then told Collin to get on the dance floor and do something or he would take him home....not sure if that was a wise or dumb move, but I don't necessarily disagree with Aaron.

I worry...is he just genuinely anti-social because he's comfy with himself? Or is he afraid of getting involved with others? I am a bit of a sociophobe myself sometimes, but I don't think I go out of my way to NOT try to contact my friends. If I don't contact them it's because I genuinely get side-tracked with my own life and get busy with my own household. I'm not usually afraid to contact them, and am happy and embarrassed at myself when they do contact me. But that wasn't me as a child....I was seriously afraid to get involved with people. My heart rate would increase and I would feel nauseated just to approach people sometimes.....

My heart would absolutely break for Collin if he were actually like that, too. And he shows signs of becoming that way more and more.......